On Oregon, homes, and Desire

I often find that when I am at home, I have too much time to think. It is actually that I have time to reflect on what is important in my life as all of my distractions/problems are in Seattle.

My home
My parents want me in Oregon. They say that the job market is better, that rent is cheaper. They say that even if I move home I won't have to see them very much. They don't understand that it's not that I don't want to see them. It's that I don't want to live in Oregon! It's something of a love/hate relationship I have with the place. I sometimes love to visit there, but for the most part I LOVE living in seattle, or maybe it's just that most of my friends are up there? Maybe there is some sort of defeatist attitude I have about moving back home to the parents. *sigh*

My muse
My muse is back. I haven't missed her one bit. It seems that she only comes to me when I am heartbroken or in some sort of emotional dilemma. At least this muse is like that. I had another muse that taught me cool things like expanding my mind and learning to knit, but this muse is the old faithful "bad poetry" muse! This muse likes to torment me into writing from the longings of my soul and betrays my trust at every step of the way. She'll have me show these works of "poetry" to people I barely know and they may, for a moment or two, understand me.

Desire
I've come to the point in my life where I can be honest with myself and realize that I have desires. I want to be respected. I want to be loved. I want to love unabashedly. I want to quench the thirst of love in another, and have my thirst quenched in return. I desire the fruit of a woman. I long for sleeping in. I wish to be held. I long for cuddling. I desire to be known. I seek the human condition in all it's forms. I want the human experience. I long for understanding. I seek the treasure of our human experience. I hope to reprioritize my life, to make important all that is important and to disregard that which is not.

Priorities, lies, and the news
I have been reading the Te of Piglet and have at least mildly learned some of it's truths, which I have lived in understanding with for a long time, but have not practiced! The real hypocracy is that my senior year of college I wrote about the importance of non materialistic endevours, but knew full well I was pursuing a career that celebrate commercialism! Anyway, I know that I cannot buy happiness, no matter what the media tells you. In fact that whole idea of marketing is a lie! The idea that you NEED something, simply by running an ad on TV you can almost guarantee, no matter how worthless your product, someone will buy it!

I want to give up TV. I know it wouldn't be hard. I hardly ever watch it as it is. I noticed on the news tonight, (Staying with Parents) that the news is actually just a stressor that we've added to our lives. It has no GOOD quality what-so-ever! It mostly just brought news of murder, rape and theivery, that I personally could do nothing about! How is that an important thing to me?

I missed Seattle's volunteer day. I had to go to oregon. I want to give back to society to feel like I am an active member of our society and I'm having trouble finding ways in.

Well, it's 12:30, I need to sleep, Peace-
Tim