therapy music

I'm listening to Guster right now. It's good therapy music. Some of the songs are good for being alone. Some are good for heartbreak. Some are good for starting over. Some are good for finding someone new.

I'm confused as to who I am right now, or what music I need. I know that I'm a good person that will continually try to do the right thing. If that's not a desirable attribute, then I guess I won't be desirable. Everything in me wants to help others succeed. But even as I write that, I know it's not true. I know that I don't want people that talk down to me to succeed faster than me. I know that there are people that drive me nuts and whom I probably dislike enough to not want them working where I work.

I'm always analyzing peoples skills and where they might fit best (at work anyway) I categorize my friends. I hide my feelings, in order to self protect, as almost everyone I know will leave sooner or later.

I think I talk better in person or on the phone than I do in email, but I don't know if that's true. I know I can charm, but I don't know how I do it. Someone once told me to stop manipulating them, but I didn't know how or if I was actually doing it. I don't have a conscience malisciousness, but maybe there is something darker inside?

I want to trust new friends, but I also don't want to get burned. It's a fine line. Trust is a good thing.

I'm running in 8.5 hours, I'm going to bed.
Peace-
T