fear and hiding...

It's funny. Thinking about who might read this some day. What if my grandchildren read this. What if my mother found this? Would I hide and say that it wasn't me? Would I say, yeah, that's who I am. This thing goes back a little over 3 years now. It's interesting to see how much and how little I've changed.

I recognize the boy that started this blog. I realize that I still enjoy some of the same things. There's the pushing of boundaries that are so easily put up. There's the things I try to do to scare the shit out of me. There's the part of me that's trying to branch out and explore the world, as well as the part that just wants to stay comfortable.

Sometimes I wish that I was a 1 dimensional book character. Sometimes I wish I knew the way the story ends. Know my place in the world and learn to fill it properly. Mostly I am glad that I don't know how it will all turn out. Right now, I want a vacation. I want to be able to fly around the world and find some beautiful place to get lost, to quote the late Elliot Smith.

Now the real question. When do you tell people about the blog? Do you mention it before you ever meet face 2 face? Should I be ashamed about what I write here? Should I filter people's perception of me? Am I even telling You, the reader, the truth? Maybe I come off angsty and full of doubt on here, but am really cocksure in real life? Or maybe the opposite?

I once had someone tell me that I was in love with the idea of being in love. I think that's true. I think I would really like to be in love, but I'm not about to be untrue to myself to do it.

Since we all seem to be wanting the same thing (Someone to love us unconditionally for who we are, no matter what we've done) then I think me falling in love with someone is still doable ;) I think maybe I just need to wait for kind, considerate guys to come back into fashion ;)

Well, it's 1 am, I'm off to bed.
Peace-
T