anime, sex, drugs, and irish punk

So it was anime night at the house tonight. That basically means that I invite my nerd friends over and we watch anime from 2pm until around 11pm!!! Yes, 9 or so hours of anime bliss. It was quite wonderful. I love that my friends are addicted and therefore buy tons of this and only show me the good stuff:)

My ballot showed up yesterday. I'm still having trouble reconciling the fact that my friends and family may be voting for another 4 years. It truely makes me confused.

What is love? Why does sex confuse me so much? Why do I have a tendency to fuck things up? Is a vasectomy irrational? Is a castration irrational? It seems that my penis is only good for helping me make incorrect decisions. In some ways I wish I didn't have a potent need for sex. Needing/wanting sex only leads to socially disturbing behavior.

If I get the job with MS, cliff wants me to move out to the east side and buy a house. He wants me to settle down and have a baby and be his neighbor. These are things I can't do for him. Since my aversion to getting married, and my love of the night life of even a local bar, it makes it nearly impossible to try and move to the eastside.

If I do get hired full time, I'd like to see if I can start in January. I think a month and a half off would be nice.

I want to travel. I want to fly. I want to meet new people. I want to live. I want to breath. I want to experience. I want to trust. I want to be trusted in. I want to be a friend with benefits. I want someone to travel with. I want to be desired.

I got a haircut from a 32-yr old vietnamese mother of 4. Her oldest was 11 years old. That means she had her first kid when she was 21. I didn't even experience the sex until I was 25. It's weird to think about life lines and life journeys and how one gets from one place to the next.

Sometimes I wonder if I love, or if I just lust. I wonder who I want for a lover. I wonder if I am too picky or if I should go out and look for love more often. I realized the other day that I need to not believe in movie love. It is a farce. People are too crazy to fall in love like in the movies. I'm sure some movies get it right, but there is always fear and doubts. There is the uncertainty. Or is there?

I suppose some people DO actually fall in love with each other and live happily ever after.I know a relationship is work. I know that I have certain things about myself that I have to work on.

I know I am tired. So I leave you with this happy thought... the cheat is not dead.

Peace-
T