shallow emptiness, sighing, panting, hurting, lying, wanting

It seems my grammie has passed away. My mom's mom was always a good woman even if she couldn't remember that I was her grandson and not just her son.

My mom is understandably quite distressed. There was no warning. Grammie just faded in the night. It's weird as I haven't seen her in years, but sometimes it's fine as long as you know someone is alive and walking around out there.

It's weird the aching that I'm feeling right now. Sometimes I wish I could be the guy that could just go have sex with a stranger and not worry about the ramifications. Not worry about what the person thought of me. Have the distraction of sexual release. Know that dammit, that pain in the heart hurts, but at least I'm not alone right now.

I can't find my mom. They turn their cellphone off. I sent out an email asking for prayer and support, but really I just want to be held dammit.

Please distract me-
Tim

PS- for some reason that song "You don't always get what you want" is going through my head.