mmm... fish

Sometimes I ask myself "What should I be doing?" Most of the time I just go with the flow though. So, when I do ponder the "what" question, it usually has something to be doing with my real life at the moment. I've been thinking about the situation that I'm in and about hurting people.

I found out that I'm not hurting someone I thought I was and so that gives me some relief. I know that through no conscience act I've gotten to the point that I can hurt people by not doing anything wrong. Some say that I am the victim and that I'm being preyed upon. That is bullshit. If I'm hurting anyone, or am going to be hurt, I have done so with both eyes open, neither fearing nor blindly following. I have seen what I want. I know what I think I want.

Blogs...

Have I been to honest with you? Will my friends hate me? Will I destroy friendships? Will I leave and not look back? Will I find a happy medium of telling my blog only certain things and then keeping myself hidden?

I once told a girl that I would not ask her out for a number of reasons and she asked me why, and I told her. This of course would be after she had just told me that she was not interested in a dating relationship. After telling her my reasons for doubts, she would not tell me why she would not date me. She told me it would hurt me too much. I felt betrayed and pissed off. I wondered how I could possibly work on traits that she found to be undate-able, if she would not tell me. I often wonder, if she knew that she pissed me off and that I would rather know, than not know. Or maybe it was that she was shallow? Could it be that she didn't find me attractive? in a physical sense?

Enough philosophy... Updates:
Party went well yesterday. i think everyone had a good time, except maybe Dan who was trying to sleep.
I went and found Cindy an apartment today. She's moving to Ballard in December.
Dinner was at anthonys. I had some salmon and halibut. It was SO delicious.

Anyway, I need to practice my piano before I screw up royally tomorrow.
I'll catch you later-