run, don't walk...

it seems like I can't be any good for anyone right now. You'd best run and hide.

Don't look at me.I'm hideous right now. I see love and run away. I see pain and run towards. I see heartache and long for it. I see simple joy and love and run away.

I fear rejection and place my heart away. I see a dim hope and crush it.

I crucify my savior and know only the hollowness of regret. I seek comfort and find only pain and suffering. I long for understanding, hope, love, patience, peace, and spew out only pain, suffering, guild, judgement, despair, and impatience.

There is no pleasure in this pit of whatever this is.

Dear god release me from desire, release me from pain. Let my family know all that is good in everything that they do. Let me not deliver pain to those that are my friends and family. Let those that desire not my friendship to be forgotten from me.

Let me not be scared of love and run and hide from it. Don't let me see this pain as the end to every love. Don't let me scare off those I could cherish. Let me see what it is that you desire in me and let me know your love.

Your lost lamb-
Tim