a little white trash...

So I know a little bit of my family history. It's weird seeing the old photos and knowing that the whole life cycle is all repetitive. It's weird hearing about the men my grammie dated and how I'm similar and different from them.

I've come to realize that my life has been altered from me losing my virginity. I know that I will always be changed by her and know that there's not much I can do about my personal feelings. She says I don't respect her, which may be true. I have no concept of how I interact with others. Although I knew this time last year that I would someday be in the position that I'm in now. I saw it in all her ex-boyfriends, and I saw it in me. An unrequited love. This will somehow overshadow my love life for a while. How can I possibly ask someone to love me when I don't know if I can be totally in love with them? How'd they say in that old song? 'The first cut is the deepest'? Damn, that sucks....

And then there's the dilemma, do I switch? Do I take what I can get and f*ck the rest? Do I continue to care about "her" feelings? Do I harden my shell and become less sensitive?

I don't think I would ever do that. I'm sorry that I had to go through it. Thank you for your time-
Tim