insomnia is for the strong...

or was it the weak?

It's 1:38am. I should be asleep. I need to be asleep. Instead, I am here. Blogging.

I had a World of Warcraft Guild party at the pies & pints tonight. It was fun to see all my coworkers and friends getting along so well.

Seriously guys, I <3 pies & pints. The staff rocks and the pies are always tasty. Anyway, Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy comes out today and I'll be seeing it at the Pacific Place 11.

I hope you all are doing well and I'll catch you later. I'm off to bed.
Tim

missing the touch

It's weird. Getting changed from friend to whatever the hell this is. Acquantance? Random guy that gets email every 2 - 4 weeks? Random guy that is still trying to be her friend, but she doesn't want to encourage anything like that so she'll just ignore any emails?

Seriously, I don't know why I even try. I think Peter was probably right. He told me I was actually no different to her than he is, and from everything I've seen I can't see any difference. I defended her. I thought it would be different for me.

Oh well, another friend bites the dust. It'll be better once I move. Once I'm no longer near any of her friends. I think that'll help anyway.

In other news, I'm going to see Miss Saigon tonight with some of the local kids from Pies & Pints. We're hitting the McCormick & Schmicks happy hour first and then off to the playhouse. It should be rather fun.

Also, I started my first Physical Therapy on my knee today, so that was fun. Nothing special happened to it. I just can't sit with it bent at 90 degrees for any length of time. So Physical therapy and anti inflammatories. It should be all good.

Anyway, I'm off to eat some lunch.
Peace out-
Tim

happy 420... alright I'm a little late... :P

So last night at 9:30 I get a phone call... 'Tim, I hurt my knee playing soccer. Can you take me to the emergency room.' So I end up in the waiting room from about 10:30 - 1:30 while my friend is getting his knee checked out.

Turns out it was a sprained knee. Anyway, I'm still sick, but was able to spend all day at work today and even play lots of WoW tonight,

I seem to be in flux right now. Closing some friendships. Developing others. Discovering old friends. And remembering the occasional blogging buddy that stops by. Thanks racheal & Quinntessence. Your words help :)

Well, I'm going to try and sleep the sleep of the sore throated and tired.
Peace-
Tim

closure

the party ended with a girl yelling at my housemate. She was pretty distraught.

Turns out she was pretty wasted. She ended up making out with this guy who told her she needed more practice. She was pretty upset understandably.

Anyway, all I hear is "Get away from me" and "leave me alone" and "I live here. I'm friends with Tim"

I hate when the parties end on a sour note like that. It seems she's ok now, at least that's what reanne said. Or at least she will be ok.

Anyway, I saw the doctor about my knee this morning. He's prescribed some physical therapy. So hopefully that'll help.

Well, 1 week from Miss Saigon. Anyway, I need to get some rest.
Peace-
Tim

No one sits like this rock sits...

You rock rock. I heart 'I heart huckabees'.

I am home sick today. Also, for those in the know Ben & Jerry's is having free cone day today. So go to Ben & Jerry's today and find a local free ice cream cone.

Anyway, I'm melting and hot and sick and hot and warm and tired and exhausted. I hope everyone is having a good day. I'll catch you later-
Tim

So blah...

Ok, honestly, it's so fuckin hard being single right now. I hate it. I hate that I need to be desireless in order to attact a female. I just watched the Tao of Steve and enjoyed it, but I'm still trying to not be horny. That's the hard part.

I am sick. I went to sleep like 2 hours ago and am awake from the NyQuil induced nap. The room is definitely comfortable. I have the heater going and I can walk around in my gym shorts/penis shorts as my ex used to call them.

How is it that almost every girl I know that is attracted to me is in a relationship? That's the bullshit part. Then there's the random 30 yr old birthday girl at pies & pints that totally hits on me and I'm totally sick mind you. I think she was lonely too and just wanted to be fucked on her birthday, but I wouldn't have it. She did give me her email address and told me to call her. She's been "single by choice" for the past 5 years.

Why do women say that? Single by choice? I mean, it's true, we are single by choice, maybe not active choice, maybe single by virtue that we are very picky people. I mean, there is always hooking up at bars that I hear about. There's the sleeping with that girl that's on the rebound and man it was good, that I hear about. I understand that we're all sexual people and that we have desires and urges and what not. Instead of staying single, why don't we hook up more often? Is there something overly wrong with it? Why was I told it is not the thing to do? (*Side note: after 2 sexual partners I realize that sex and relationships are addictive and complicated)

Then there's the people that move your heart. You hear about how they overcame rape/drugs/addiction/abuse/violence. You know that you've never had to experience life on that level and you wish you could. To hell with the consequences. Then you go to work at your 9 - 5 job and you say, why doesn't anything good happen to me?

Bullshit ass motherfucker, bitch shit ass fuck ass motherfucker. *sigh* Are we ever really ever real to ourselves or is it all just trying to find love? And not the fake love, but to be truly accepted for who and what we are? Not the image that someone has of us, but the image we have of ourselves.

Hmm... I must be on NyQuil as this is a very lonely/hateful post. I don't delete posts, but this one should be at the top of the list.

Peace out-
Tim

ahh work

So I realize I haven't been posting on here very often. I'm still trying to get settled in a t work as well as get my party put together for this weekend. I need to work on what I'm focusing on short term and long term goals. I think I might try and go see Miss Saigon while it's in town. Looking forward to the paycheck on friday.

Been keeping up with the pies & pints crew. Anyway, I've been staying up to late so I'm going to hit the hay.
Catch you later-
Tim

funny...

it's weird how I always think everyone but me must have it all put together. There must be a plan that everyone is living by and I don't know the plan. There is the cool that everyone knows and they live it like it was natural. I feel self doubt and I think it shows.

Sometimes I am a jerk and sometimes I'm really nice. Mostly I'm jealous and looking for a way to dodge the blame in case something goes wrong.

I want an idea, a philosophy to own.

I need to not go to Pies & Pints EVERY night.

and I need to sleep.
Peace-
Tim

Silence by Tim Williams

Silence calls for you in the night
Like the old woman who
Screams obsceneties at the back of your head
While you wait for the price check on the 1% milk
And you eye the cute safeway clerk
As she checks you out
When you finally get the courage to ask her out,
You're already on your way home with the milk
Whose expiration date is one week ago tomorrow.

Published in Second Essence, 1999

damn daylight savings...

So here it is 1am on monday morning. I have 7 contract testers starting in like 8 hours and I'm hurting. But hopefully tomorrow should go breezingly.

I'm not too concerned. I mean really, it shouldn't be too hard to play video games, and tell if the language is wrong. Anyway, I gotta sleep. Catch you cats on the flips side!
Peace-
Tim