life as a banana milkshake

It's 1am. I was supposed to be asleep. I was almost asleep. I woke up:( I took a shower, so hopefully I'll be asleep soon.

I don't know if I've told you people, but I'm secretly shy :) This is my little private public journal. It's true, I secretly AM shy. normally I have trouble talking to people in real life. I'll always say hello as I'm passing. Also, sometimes I have trouble in social situations. When I meet peoples friends, sometimes I just clam up. I love hearing peoples stories.

They've told me that my interview will be next week sometime. My room has become a frozen tundra. I HATE single pane windows. My space heater keeps turning off in the middle of the night :( Anyway, that being said, it's extremely difficult to study in my room. So I have to go out, I've become a fan of the 3rd place books. Not only a cheap bookstore, but also a good little coffeeshop to study in :)

Well, I'm having Deja vu, so I'm going to go to sleep. Hopefully this will make sense in the morning:)
Peace-
T

fear and hiding...

It's funny. Thinking about who might read this some day. What if my grandchildren read this. What if my mother found this? Would I hide and say that it wasn't me? Would I say, yeah, that's who I am. This thing goes back a little over 3 years now. It's interesting to see how much and how little I've changed.

I recognize the boy that started this blog. I realize that I still enjoy some of the same things. There's the pushing of boundaries that are so easily put up. There's the things I try to do to scare the shit out of me. There's the part of me that's trying to branch out and explore the world, as well as the part that just wants to stay comfortable.

Sometimes I wish that I was a 1 dimensional book character. Sometimes I wish I knew the way the story ends. Know my place in the world and learn to fill it properly. Mostly I am glad that I don't know how it will all turn out. Right now, I want a vacation. I want to be able to fly around the world and find some beautiful place to get lost, to quote the late Elliot Smith.

Now the real question. When do you tell people about the blog? Do you mention it before you ever meet face 2 face? Should I be ashamed about what I write here? Should I filter people's perception of me? Am I even telling You, the reader, the truth? Maybe I come off angsty and full of doubt on here, but am really cocksure in real life? Or maybe the opposite?

I once had someone tell me that I was in love with the idea of being in love. I think that's true. I think I would really like to be in love, but I'm not about to be untrue to myself to do it.

Since we all seem to be wanting the same thing (Someone to love us unconditionally for who we are, no matter what we've done) then I think me falling in love with someone is still doable ;) I think maybe I just need to wait for kind, considerate guys to come back into fashion ;)

Well, it's 1 am, I'm off to bed.
Peace-
T

happy thanksgiving!!!!

I hope that everyone had a lovely turkey day. I know that I have some things to be thankful for, including the people I've met through my blog.

I know, I know, it's friday. The day after thanksgiving. I missed my first photoblog day. I AM trying to be on taop of that but yesterday was a little weird.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well today. I will be studying my ass off for the rest of today, but I'm also going to run outside and take some photos.

You guys rock!
-T

slashing fellow students

I just saw this article about a "slashing".

*sigh*

I'm not such a big fan of the news. Especially when it's that crappy. I am a much bigger fan of the strongbad emails...
Like this one

I love strong bad!

Ok, have a happy thanksgiving!
-T

my angst...

Here I am, nervous. I'm excited for the weekend. I'm getting together with friends and will be sleeping in most days, so that's fun. I get 4 days off. It's like a real little vacation!


Anyway, I'm trying to decide to figure out what I'm doing. If I should be spending more time studying or what. I think I probably should. I should at least start programming a little more.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing good and that you are all going to have a wonderful thanksgiving.

Peace-
T

w00t, look at me GO!!!

Well, let's see... it's been 2 days and a whole hell of a lot has happened. I got 3 responses to my personal ad on craigslist. (Responded to 2 of them) I had a pretty kick ass party, on friday night, which I have decided was a success. I went to Myrtle Edwards park and threw around the football and took pictures yesterday. This morning I opened up my photo blog. So I'll be uploading photos there from now on. I'll have the link on thr right hand side of the page.

Anyway, I'm going out to fry's with Jarred and Big A!
Peace out-
T

things that sting...

Being rejected by a lover... even if you were the one that did the rejecting in the first place

Unable to win the love you want

Her first date after your break up

Casual sex

Being home alone on any night that you want to go out

Not getting one response from a personal ad

me & the pies & pints gang 

420am

So I went to a party last night. Well, it wasn't so much a party as I just stayed at the bar until we all went home. That means that I actually got home and in bed at 4:20 am.

It was really fun. I like hanging out with the people there and just being out of the house sometimes. I'll post pictures later today.

Anyway, I'm super tired today:( I hope everyone is having a good day and was able to sleep in!
Peace-
T

2 + weeks

(Please note, this post is very divergent and even a little hard for ME to follow sometimes)

Hey everybody!

Well, we're quickly approaching the first house party in about 6 months, so that's exciting. It's this friday and should be quite exciting. There's going to be lots of alcohol and just good times involved:)

I am trying to decide whether I want to jump back into dating and putting out little ads on the internet, or if I just want to sit back and enjoy my singledom for a while.

My new toys (camera and ipod) are wonderful. I love them both. They make my little heart race with excitement :)

Did I mention that they told me I'd have an interview at the beginning on december, and that I'm working till around January? I REALLY need to study as I have not been in practice in the development neighborhood for about 4 years.

Anyway, I'm going to have pictures up here after friday nights party, so you should all come visit for the nice pictures.

I'm at a place where I should be making some decisions and I don't really want to. I try to analyze everything and end up not being able to see far enough into the future.

Anyway, this is a really good article. You should read it and understand the industry I'm trying to break into.

Peace out-
T

Argh a new camera, means I look scarier than EVER!!! 

life's a dance...

I have some fond moments from my highschool years. I was into country music at the time. (It can be close to christian music, so it's a little more accepted in the christian circles.)

I've learned that I need to take things more lightly. I need to focus on more diverse hobbies. I need seperation to heal. I need to create for myself my own life. I need to find friends that are still single that are still going out. I need to find a girlfriend that appreciates me for me. I need to find someone who I can relate to who can build me up. I need to find someone who doesn't mind having the ground she walks on be considered to be holy and lovely by a man that loves her. I need a woman to love on and can feel loved without feeling smothered. I need a woman to be in love with me like I'm in love with her. I need to be realized for the diamond in the rough that I am. I need a woman that respects herself and won't settle for something less than she deserves.

I need to not be a scorpio, constantly looking at the hidden meanings. I need to study more seriously for my interview. I need to have people invite me to go out with them.

I need friends that are going out. I need friends to hang out with. I want to share my life, my love with someone.

I need to lighten up:)
Peace-
T

I'm getting ready to go have morrocan food. Tomorrow my new camera comes and I'll have lots of new pictures:) 

Quiet...

So it's 8:40 in the morning. Saturday morning. Why am I awake? Is there some great cure for cancer I am working on? Do I need to be awake? Shouldn't I be asleep?

Yes! In fact, if I'm smart, I'll put Halo 2 out of my head, but we SO PWNED last night! That's right. My uber-exciting friday night was spent online playing Halo 2 with friends. (*This goes directly against my 'need to get out more' philosophy*)

Anyway, they're keeping me around until January. Anyone down with a road trip?

Peace-
T

silly shy boy

Seriously people. I have no idea why I am shy, actually, I guess I don't really know IF I am shy. I just always figured I was shy.

Maybe I'm only shy sometimes in my life. I know that I have trouble talking to strangers. Or sometimes just friends I know. It's usually when I've been thinking alot or just listening without saying much, then when I try to speak it comes out really slow, and I have trouble forming sentences.

I think the same thing happens when I'm tired or nervous. Tonight, I'm nervous. I am going to see a movie I think with a new friend. I don't know why I'm nervous, and maybe I'm not. I'm going to treat her like any old friend, but she is a girl and you know how well I do around them.

I hope everyone is having a good day and I'll catch you later.
Peace-
T

Thanks :)

Well, I'm taking today off. My birthday was great. Lots of food. Lots of Pwning at halo 2.

Thanks for all the comments everyone!!! Oh man. I think I'm going to watch the 'making of' DVD today and maybe get some shopping done (I'm out of deoderant(sp?))

It looks like they're going to be keeping me around at work for a little while longer. So that's exciting. I desperately want my interview, but I also want to be prepared. So I'm at an impass as to whether I'm ready or not, and if I should keep pestering for an interview.

Anyway, I'm off to the store!
Peace-
T

FINALLY!!!

So, I'm rapidly approaching the end of my contract... 2 more weeks I think. I turn 27 today and have finally received my free upgrade on hotmail to 250mb. I guess too many people have been going to gmail or something. Or maybe it happens on your birthday! Doubtful, but I've heard of less crazy ideas.

So, I have problems looking for the subtle non-spoken things in a relationship. I know I over-analyze and see things that might not exist. I AM a scorpio in the worst sense of the word :) I am an over-analyzer.

Also, I like girls. They're rad!

From my 27 yr old mind, to this blog, from this blog, to your head... "hi!" Now wish me happy birthday dammit!

:)

Peace-
Tim

they like us, they really like us

Well, it's the day of the launch and the halo 2 reviews are coming in.

This site has list of our reviews to date.

To quote the site:

'The average review ratio for all 15 editorial reviews has been 97.1% making this title place 1st in the all time overall rankings and 1st among Xbox Games.'

W00T!!!
Go Halo 2!!!

See my name in the credits right after you beat the game :)

Peace-
T

This is what I look like today! 

confused...

Here I sit. Trying to figure out what love is. Trying to figure out what should be done. Where do I go from here? Should I monkify (to become monk like forsaking the search for the love of my life)? Should I jump into the dating game with both feet? Do I figure out a seperation plan for my life? Do I figure out a way to get out of Seattle?

I long for someone to share my life with. I do. I understand that that means that I'm not ready. If I just stop looking then I will find it! Yeah right. You forget, I've been there. I know that I need to be actively getting out of the house, otherwise I have 0 contact with females. This means that "natural" getting together doesn't happen!

So I need to change my life. I need to not enjoy video games as much as I do. I need to go out and meet new people. I need to start going to church again. I need to be more out going. I need to repress the shy tim, and let out the life of the party of tim.

Sex...
I know that this little subject confuses the hell out of me. I realize that I find myself longing for it, like a teenage boy. I also realize that the act itself draws many emotional strings for me. I think the religion of my youth has placed HUGE assumptions on the act, and thusly confuses me. Maybe it's time for the abstinence vow once again? Who knows. It's not like it's too difficult, there aren't any women currently throwing themselves at me.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.
Peace-
T

victory through love

So I'm trying to figure out what kind of tattoo I want. I'm thinking a heart with some ribbon that says something like 'love all' or 'love conquers all' or SOMETHING in latin.

Also, I HATE our cafeteria this morning. They had free breakfast which meant pancakes for everyone!!! Which would be fine if you can eat pancakes. Fuckin bastards

*sigh*

well, gotta run-
T

feelings

(*edit*)
I am so frustrated and emotionally spent right now that I need to remove the stuff that was here.
(*edit*)

It's been one of those nights, but I got to watch "Sideways" which was pretty good. I related well with the main character.

Anyway, I'm spent.
Peace-
T

the need for seperation

So... where we go from here is really up to you...

Will things change? Is the fact that 50% of the people under GW bush, not wanting him for president going to make any difference? Will abortion and other rights be taken away? Will there be no fight for the presidency? Will all my friends leave for foreign soil? Is there someplace I can go for the next 4 years?

I hate to concede! I HATE IT!

What a fucking depressing day! And here I was going to write about my personal problems, but this guy affect us all!

Fuckin Bush!
Tim

everybody vote now!!!

I just wanted to remind everyon to go out and vote today!

I voted last week (thanks to absentee voting). Anyway, life is "interesting", but more on that later, for now, VOTE!!!

Peace-
T