my sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy, when skies are grey,
you'll never know dear, how much I love you,
oh please don't take my sunshine away

Clean room

Hey I cleaned my room last night. If you'd like to see it, ping me and I can arrange for a viewing :)

Peace-
T

more astrology for those of interest

I am a Scorpio Man

I wish I were as smooth james bond, but you know:)

OMG, where were classes like these when I was younger? Oral Sex Lessons

Damn that could have saved me a lot of misunderstandings ;)

Peace-
T

Phone calls from the east coast

I got a phone call from the east coast today. I think it may be for a job I applied for over there. I have a date with a Taurus tomorrow night. From what I've read, she'll be very rooted. This is about as polar opposite from my ex as you can get.

I'm not sure where this is going, but I'm reading the Te of Piglet and trying to live each day as it comes.

Terminally lost in confusion-
Tim

Life and beautiful people

I just wanted to say thanks to all the beautiful people in my life.

I don't often recognize my friends as how cool and special they are. I am truly blessed to know you.
Thanks-
Tim

Over thinking vs Under thinking

I know I tend to overthink almost everything in my life.

Today I was thinking about which is better, to underthink or to overthink everything. As an overthinker, I tend to think that is good, but there's also a point when you need to stop thinking and start doing.

However, I do like to live spontaneously, whenever possible, and try not o read too much into anything. Also, sometimes I prefer NOT to overthink something. Thinking can become tiresome.

Anyway, here's a cute rant about 10 aphrodesiacs

Peace-
Tim

Tasty

Someone showed me this last year on Craigslist. It's one of the nerdiest, funniest things ever. You gotta love cyber-sex :P

Tasty

My new muse

I try to understand, to contemplate, to see through the darkness, to see the light, to see the fright, I want to see what is to come, to know who to be, to know where to go, to live life like there's no tomorrow, to see what cannot be seen, to touch that which is withheld, to see potential in everyone, to know the people of my life.

I am here, lost in my sea of uncertainty, no knowing left from right or up from down. Everywhere I look I see gray where there was once black, I see gray where there was once white. I know there are things to do for free, but this is where my muse leaves and takes the ideas with her...

So I ask my friends, there are some good ideas, the problem mostly being that everything costs money. There is ALWAYS gas involved, and gas costs money. Sometimes there is beer involved, and beer costs money.

How do you start seeing someone else when you still have feelings for another? I've heard that feelings for the other will never really leave though...

Well, I'm off-
Tim

Crazy rants and raves people

So I've been following the rants of raves section today. So far the main subjects have been, grocery cards, God and natives vs. transplants.
rants & raves in seattle / tacoma

It's just funny to me, how much of my day that I spend at craigslist, and how sad it is that everyone gets so worked up over these things.

Best of craigslist is pretty good!

On why we blog

I've often wondered why more people don't blog. and have had this answered in many a different way. I think my job/personality are in a unique place where I have time to blog and it fulfills part of my need to socialize. Blogging gives me a way to get my random thoughts of Tim out of my head and onto the internet. I use my blog as a way to socialize with my friends, especially when the job takes up more than it's fair share of my time. I think if I went out more and wasn't sitting in front of a computer for 8+ hours a day, then I probably would not blog as much.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a blogger, sometimes I don't. Maybe this was that muse I was talking about?

Peace-
T

worst movie ever

don't see "Head of state"

Seriously, I was trying to think of a worse movie, and I couldn't.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, so I'll talk to you later today
Peace-
T

Attractive people, ugly people, and all the cuties in between

It's too bad we only have but one life to live. It seems that it would be nice to experience life at all the different "beautiful" levels.

I mean they all suck in their own little ways:
Beautiful people are always being hit upon by everyone. So they become more and more jaded by the people they know, especially if they date other very attractive people. It seems that most un-attractive people would date attractive people and love them, but an attractive person would become attracted to someone that is not attracted to them, thus creating an interest in why that person isn't interested in them. The attractive people will often find themselves in unhealthy relationships due to their constantly falling in love with people that aren't attracted to them.


For un-attractive people, or even socially challenged people there's can be a more worthwhile struggle:
Instead of having to fend off suitors, they must deal with the constant barrage of rejection. They must constantly bring themselves back from the rejection and try and try again. They more easily learn that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that they ust be willing to compromise for love. They struggle everyday with either trying to find love, or maybe giving up and trying to find other things to fill that void. (See video games)

The cute people I think have the best and worst of both worlds. The arrogant beautiful people not giving them the time of day, and rejecting them. The non-attractive psychos stalking them. And their want to find someone attracted to them, that they too are attracted to.

In the Te of Piglet, I read that a man had 2 wives, a plain one and a beautiful one. The story goes that a traveller came and stayed with the man and by the next day came to realize that the beautiful wife was left ignored, while the plain one was treated with honor and affection. When the traveller asked the boy of the household why. He replied "The beautiful one knows that she is beautiful; the plain one knows that she is plain." The moral being to put away your pride and act upon your Virtue.

I don't know if I'm explaining this very well as I'm trying to form my opinions based off what I'm reading right now, but I think the gist is explained. And in case you were wondering, yes, I am cute :)

Lost but in peace-
Tim

An interesting article on why men are the way they are, by a CLer

Enjoy'd this article, thought I'd share it:

Men online: why we are the way we are

an amazing weekend

I went out to an puget sound waterfront house on saturday night. We drank and ate and played scattergories. Sunday was spent lounging at Seattle Center watching the kids run around in the fountain. It was a really nice and relaxing time. I wrote some in my journal but basically chilled with new and old friends all weekend. It was suprisingly relaxing and easy going. I was supposed to see "Super size me" yesterday, but I wanted to hang at the seattle center instead. I'll see it someday, in the mean time, I'll keep eating at McDonalds :)

Peace-
T

Lost in a sea of uncertainty

I'm at work this week. I don't know what I feel anymore. I can't tell who I am, or who I want to be. I know that I am ok with that. I know that I will be fine and don't need to know anything.

I met some really cool people this weekend. So that's nice.

floating-
Tim

women and men- role reversal in the 21st century

I think that I would not like to be a woman. I mean, it seems to me, that women, at least the ones I know, always have ex-boyfriends that won't fall out of love with them. I've always thought that women would be the ones that would fall in love more often, but it seems that my circle of friends is the exactly opposite. I've found that it's mostly girls that would rather not be under the commitments of a relationship.=, where most men I know would rather be in a committed relationship than a string of one night stands.

It seems that I read a book recently, Tao of Pooh or Te of piglet? Where the author was explaining how women are no longer treated like ladies because the womens rights movement sought to do away with any mistreatment of women. I don't know why I mention it, but it seems that women are more like the men of yesteryear, and men are the sensitive guys that women always said they wanted, but didn't really.

I'm sitting here lost in a sea of uncertainty-
Tim

I'm trying

I HAVE been trying to not have these feelings for my ex. I know that I need to move on. It's not like I can choose to fall out of love, just as much as she can choose to fall in love.

But I AM trying. I know sometimes it seems like we're back at square 1. Sometimes I think I have left my feelings for her in the past.

I do want to find someone who will fall in love with me, but I'm having trouble. I think I don't have time for a relationship right now. I just need to make my priorities.

Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know that I AM trying.

Peace-
T

this is me 

The Year Of The Snake

I just found out that I'm a snake. Well that I was born in the year of the snake. So that's fun:) Check it out:

The Year Of The Snake

Peace-
Tim

too much good stuff

So I'm really enjoying reading documentation today. It's good to stay caught up on what all is going on in the product I'm testing. Things are slow... things are good... the beer fridge is moved back by me:)

Peace-
Tim

Puritans = scorpios?

So I just had this thought. Maybe the Puritans were all scorpios that were all just jealous of being scorned, so they decided sex was bad. I think I lucked out by being more liberal even though I AM a scorpio.

I dunno, I could see how people that were really jealous, could just make a blanket statement that nudity is bad. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Peace-
T

maybe I was wrong

Maybe I don't know anything about love. Maybe it is all an illusion. No hay banda, there is NO band.

Maybe all anyone can ever know is the feelings they have. Maybe they're right, you can only find love once you stop looking.

Maybe they're the people that think I'm a "nice" person, but not the "date"-able type.

About as exciting as a wet sponge? At least I try. I have THAT going for me. I know a lot of people that don't even do that.

My pomade smells good.
Peace-
T

a bit of history

I found this rant by accident today. It's an interesting look at my sexual frustration from 2002 and where I was at, as a human being.

Peace-
T

scorpio love patterns

I found this to be interesting. It's basically what signs the scorpio find compatible and what not:

"You have an all-or-nothing approach to relationships, therefore you do not match up to all the signs. Here's a look at how you do interact with others.

SCORPIO & ARIES: - You make a hot combination in bed. Highly aggressive sex that could be described as implied violence. Lustful but not lasting due to your jealous nature.

SCORPIO & TAURUS: - Polar opposites that actually do quite well together. The Bull is stable and loyal enough to satisfy your intense nature. You both value long-term unions and are willing to work at them together.

SCORPIO & GEMINI: - This is not a likely match, the Illusive, fickle Gemini will drive you to distraction, which in turn could bring out your vengeful side.

SCORPIO & CANCER: - This is one of your best connections. The Crab is a loyal mate who is usually willing to stand behind you. Cancers are attracted to your strong, demanding ways.

SCORPIO & LEO: - This connection can lead to crimes of passion. Although you are strongly attracted to the Lion, Leo's flamboyant, flirtatious nature will cause anger that could erupt into murder-suicide.

SCORPIO & VIRGO: - The Virgoan has difficulties with your sexual leanings. You will bore easily and move on to more passionate partners.

SCORPIO & LIBRA: - This is not the best match. Libra is far too good looking and easy going for your jealous nature. You would likely end up spying on this social butterfly.

SCORPIO & SCORPIO: - Sexually you are truly compatible, however out of the bedroom you are far too much alike -- creating problems and mind games. You will always think that the other is having an affair.

SCORPIO & SAGITTARIUS: - This alliance is a waste of time for both parties. You are a homebody and the Archer is a travel nut. This is not a likely attraction.

SCORPIO & CAPRICORN: - This is a wonderful partnership. You both have the same values and cherish your home environment. Mentally and physically you match up well, easily satisfying one anothers needs.

SCORPIO & AQUARIUS: - Why bother. This will never work due to the Aquarian's need for freedom and your need to possess. Your values, ethics and approach to life are just too different.

SCORPIO & PISCES: - This is not bad. Probably the most erotic sexual combination. The Fish is willing to be a part of your whims and desires, and that makes for a lasting union.
"

Looking to be bad

I feel like being bad. Drinkin' and smokin'. Who wants to come?

The Honeymoon period

I am confused by this statement. What does it mean to be in a honeymoon period? I understand the whole, in love with someone that you don't really get along with. But I have seen people that I thought would never be together in the long run, continue to make choices to stay together. They're obviously no longer in the honeymoon stage. It's just weird, maybe I haven't had a honeymoon stage, or maybe it's that I self protect. I dunno if any of this makes any sense. I need to work.
Peace-
T

Frustration

So it turns out that I hadn't actually applied for the job at bioware, Alberta, BC. It seems as though my outlook was waiting for me to sign in again so it could send the application. I signed in last night, 3 days after the deadline for the job.

Anyway, I'm really frustrated by that, as I think it would at least have been a good interview opportunity. C'est la vie.

Another day, another 42.50.

Peace-
T

On Oregon, homes, and Desire

I often find that when I am at home, I have too much time to think. It is actually that I have time to reflect on what is important in my life as all of my distractions/problems are in Seattle.

My home
My parents want me in Oregon. They say that the job market is better, that rent is cheaper. They say that even if I move home I won't have to see them very much. They don't understand that it's not that I don't want to see them. It's that I don't want to live in Oregon! It's something of a love/hate relationship I have with the place. I sometimes love to visit there, but for the most part I LOVE living in seattle, or maybe it's just that most of my friends are up there? Maybe there is some sort of defeatist attitude I have about moving back home to the parents. *sigh*

My muse
My muse is back. I haven't missed her one bit. It seems that she only comes to me when I am heartbroken or in some sort of emotional dilemma. At least this muse is like that. I had another muse that taught me cool things like expanding my mind and learning to knit, but this muse is the old faithful "bad poetry" muse! This muse likes to torment me into writing from the longings of my soul and betrays my trust at every step of the way. She'll have me show these works of "poetry" to people I barely know and they may, for a moment or two, understand me.

Desire
I've come to the point in my life where I can be honest with myself and realize that I have desires. I want to be respected. I want to be loved. I want to love unabashedly. I want to quench the thirst of love in another, and have my thirst quenched in return. I desire the fruit of a woman. I long for sleeping in. I wish to be held. I long for cuddling. I desire to be known. I seek the human condition in all it's forms. I want the human experience. I long for understanding. I seek the treasure of our human experience. I hope to reprioritize my life, to make important all that is important and to disregard that which is not.

Priorities, lies, and the news
I have been reading the Te of Piglet and have at least mildly learned some of it's truths, which I have lived in understanding with for a long time, but have not practiced! The real hypocracy is that my senior year of college I wrote about the importance of non materialistic endevours, but knew full well I was pursuing a career that celebrate commercialism! Anyway, I know that I cannot buy happiness, no matter what the media tells you. In fact that whole idea of marketing is a lie! The idea that you NEED something, simply by running an ad on TV you can almost guarantee, no matter how worthless your product, someone will buy it!

I want to give up TV. I know it wouldn't be hard. I hardly ever watch it as it is. I noticed on the news tonight, (Staying with Parents) that the news is actually just a stressor that we've added to our lives. It has no GOOD quality what-so-ever! It mostly just brought news of murder, rape and theivery, that I personally could do nothing about! How is that an important thing to me?

I missed Seattle's volunteer day. I had to go to oregon. I want to give back to society to feel like I am an active member of our society and I'm having trouble finding ways in.

Well, it's 12:30, I need to sleep, Peace-
Tim

Of Mice and men

Did you ever read the book or see the movie? Sometimes I feel like the retarded guy. Lenny? It seems that whenever I find something soft and beautiful, through no fault of my own, I strangle it. Most of my relationships often end because I don't give enough space.

I am reading the Te of Piglet and see a bit of overanalysis in my life. Can you see it too?

Peace-
T

Luv

I just got finished watching "Something's gotta give" for the second time. I thought it made an interesting point about love. The point being that without opening yourself up to being hurt, you never experience love in it's most pure/best form.

Looking back on my relationships I wonder how much I may have held back or had held back from me. Good times can be fun, but I'm looking for love. I want the emotional side. I want a girl that I can say, "Have you met my girlfriend?" about. I want to be able to trust someone and be open with them. I want to be her desire. I don't want to be scared of opening up and having it thrown back in my face.

I know that I can be anyone and do anything with my life. I know that I AM comfortable with who I am. I also know that I get bored at night when I don't have anyone to do anything with. I'm damn responsible, and I'm fun to hang with.

One thing I've always felt about love is, that you can only give love and hope that it is returned. You cannot buy love or force someone to love you.

Part of who I am is based on this notion of love. When I love someone, I try to make myself available to them whenever they may need me. Which often means that I fall for people who are a little sad, because I can help them be happy. I think that maybe I see myself as only useful for when people are going through tough times, so when times are flying high, I feel awkward. I'm not sure how much of this last paragragh is true, but they are thoughts that I'm having, so I'll leave them for the people of the web to read.

I'm in a blogging mood, thanks be to Oregon, Peace-
Tim

Too hot to handle

Here I am in sunny Oregon, and we're going to be watching movies. I don't want this to happen to me. When does the relationship change from active to passive? Was there ever any active relationship? How does one get to the point where the TV and movies have replaced the "go out and do things together"-ness of america?

I recall at one point being the slave to the TV. I don't want to be there again. I want to live through my active relationships. I want to be known as the guy that didn't just sit down and watch life go by. He was the guy who was always out doing stuff.

Hello, future life, can I have you today?
Peace-
T

Oregon blogging

So I'm in Oregon, and since I have the time to think while I drive down and up, that usually means it's time to blog!

I'm thinking of selling my car and surviving on the kindness of strangers and our metro system.

When will my mere words become action? When will piglet come forth and grow? Is there a God?

This is the Tim of Oregon, signing off. Peace.

Thank God for moms

So I'm at this weird 'what to do with my life?' point of my life. I applied for a job at Bioware in alberta canada.

I think I would like the change of pace that alberta would give me, although I would miss my friends.

I woke at 4:45 this morning with a panic attack and called my mom who talked to me till about 6:30. I'm sleepy now.

I have tomorrow and friday off and am looking forward to a much needed vacation. I hope that everyone is doing well.
Catch you on the flip side-
T

one pint, two pint, all my problems gone

0 pints:
worries about:
girlfriend
job
car
father

1 pints:
worries about:
father
car

2 pints:
worries about:
will I win this game of pool?

it's 1:42 signing off after 2 pints,
Peace-
T