Types...

I'm talking to a friend about types. She dated someone who prefered a 'type' that is complacent and would believe everything he said.

I can't figure any man that is threatened by a woman who thinks for herself?!?! Why would you want that? I don't understand wanting to mind fuck someone or just not be challenged when you're making a dumbass move. Why would you not want to consistently improve yourself?

Anyway, I think I need to go catch up on some sleep. (Work: 10 hours today, 9 hours tomorrow)

Goodnight-
T

to my blogging friends:)

I just wanted to say hi. I am going to sleep as I have to wake up at 6:30 for running and I want to get at least 1 more hour of sleep than last night.

But I wanted to share this link to a pretty awesome website, so you can all enjoy.

Catch you on the flip side of the work monster...
T

Work till 1am, no running :(

I'm back at work, only 8.5 hours after I left!!! I did get 5.5 hours of sleep last night, so that is good. I actually AM feeling refreshed! How weird is that?

Anyway, I haven't been good with the emails recently, so if you've written and I haven't written back, please be patient. (I swear this work thing won't last forever!)

Peace out-
T

Blogging is so cool

I love that I get to meet people from all over the world on here. I just wanted to let you all know that.

Also, what's up with Uberskinny peope being hot. I'm sorry, but if you're all bones, that is no good. There should be some meat on the package. Also, I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. Also, I'm still horny :(

Peace-
T

Rinse, lather, repeat

I think it's humorous the cycles people can get in. But the question isn't whether people get in cycles, the question is, Can people change the cycles they're in, once they recognize them?

I know my step sister has a tendency to get pregnant everyother year, and that after she becomes pregnant, she ditches the father and goes back to church. Once the baby comes, she wants hardly anything to do with her other children... and starts sleeping with men again to become pregnant. Repeat <- on 6th kid now

My question is, Do I sabotage my own relationships by opening up too little/opening up too much/opening up too quickly? Do I sabotage my relationships by wanting too much? Trusting too much? Trusting too little? Do I over analyze everything? I know I should just enjoy life and not think anything about my relationship, go with the flow (go with aunt flo?)

online peeps
I think it would be silly for me to try and hide who I am on my blog.  I try to be as open an honest here as I should be in the real world. I often wonder if I am too blunt, or too raw. Part of the problem with knowing people read the blog is I may want to cover some feelings up, or censor my blog. I can't do that. I don't have the energy to hide myself from the blogging community, so please be patient with me, as I do have some prickly edges...

Time for sleep, Peace-
T

sleep is for the weak :)

Hey all-
I am exhausted and in a place that I don't sleep very well (my bedroom == HOT). Anyway, I just heard from my friend Adam who just got back from Iraq and may be making his way back up to Seattle this weekend to visit!!! YAY for alive friends!!!

I hope this message finds you all well and having too much fun...

Peace-
T

The "Tired and going running in 7 hours" Man

who needs sleep?

Well, my body decided to wake up at 6:00 this morning :P For those of you in the know, that means I got almost 6 hours of sleep last night.

I've been thinking about relationships recently. It seems like I'm fairly good at destroying them, even when I think that it's where I want to be. (see pushing away) Along with relationships comes the idea of how people meet. In college I fell in love with 1 girl because she shared her poetry with me, when she would show it to no one else. I totally fucked up that relationship :P What about the blogs? Are they a good way to meet people? You deal with peoples inner most thoughts on here, maybe something they never tell anyone in RL. They could be completely socially dipolar, but you may never know. They could be the best thing since sliced bread. Trust is a funny thing.

Am I being cynical? I don't know. I should go back to bed...
Peace-
T

cable internet kicks ass!!!

So a bit of randomness...

Cable internet got installed yesterday. It kicks DSL's ass up and down the street.

I worked 13 hours today. So I'm a big loopy. I wish there was another reason I was loopy, but it just seems to be sleep related :)

I find it interesting that it's about 70 degrees outside and can remain 80+ degrees in my room.

I want to save money, but I get this overwhelming sense that I should spend it too. No shopping therapy for this boy. I am going to save it for my rainy days ahead.

I want to run tomorrow, but my running buddy is away, and I need to sleep after today's long hours.

Meeting new peeps is fun. Being a dick at work is not.

Exhaustedly yours-
Tim

blogging

It seems to me that people either blog, or they don't blog. Those that don't blog often have a tendency to see blogging, not as a social forum or peoples random opinions, as something that is time consuming that has little to no reward in the here and now world of the day to day.

I have often become a non blogger for months at a time, but I have always kept this site up. Occasionally I update it, but only when I have no/little social opportunities with my friends. I reach out to my blog and post in the realization that no one is reading it. Until they got the profiles where you can search for people with blogs with similar interests. I've now had 3 people leave messages in the past 4 weeks.

It's an odd feeling to be found on the internet. Besides my friends, I'm sure no one had really read it until a few months ago.

It seems maybe that I should filter it and look through and delete any posts that I have grown through or out of, but that would be faking my past. I would hate that.

Anyway, here's to random people stopping by my website and new friends. I hope you like what you see!
Peace-
T

Tastes more like regular doctor pepper

I love free soda. I get the hankering and I just have to walk down the hall to my friendly kitchen and grab me some nutrasweet loving.

Time for work, peace-
T

Being you

It's amazing how we can get caught up with who we want to be with, before deciding who we are. I think that you can not change who you are so much than to grow to be someone else. The point being that being comfortable with who you are, and respecting yourself will make you attractive to others(love wise anyway)

Sometimes I think I am a total asshole that nobody would like (work has a way of turning you into the enemy when you'd just as happily surf the internet like your compatriots) or a "nice" guy that nobody wants to sleep with.

I know that I'm a nice guy, but I have a tendency to at least try to hit rock bottom as Chuck would say. I'm torn between the slacker that I could be and the responsible man/boy that I am.

I know that I'm cute, but I never come off as overly confident when talking to women, which I KNOW is not a turn on. It's the great mystery. Wanting sex, but playing at that you don't want it.

I do miss sex. Masturbation just isn't the same as getting it on. I know that not all of you might realize this, but I have lost that sacred virginity thing a while ago :O

Anyway, it's not like I'm looking at just wanting sex. It's the whole relationship that would be nice. I want to be desired and fulfill that desire in someone else.

Please note: In case you can't tell I'm still working 70/hr work weeks and have NO time to pursue a full on relationship. As I thought of it tonight, my life is a big canvas of grey, where I have no need to leave work, but I see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel and long for that day when I'll have my accrued earnings and no job:)

Here's to new friends and old enemies-
Peace-
The T

the talents

Is it ok to NOT use your talents? Should you always use the talent that you have in for a job if you can? I think the subway guy might want to hire me, and I think I would have a lot less stress in that sort of job, but I wouldn't be using any of my 1337 h4X0r skills like I use here? I think part of the dilemma would be that I'm not full time here, but subway isn't quite a career type workplace.

I don't know, I'm going back to work.
Peace-
T

It's TOO early!!!

I'm going running and it seems like just 6 hours ago I was crawling into bed all sleepy like. Damn you HOT room and damn you lack of sleep. I'm going running!

Ha body, that'll show you!

Peace-
T

oh my

So I just showered and my ass is clean

Just thought you all might want to know ;)

G'night-
T

You know what I hate...

When you have a subject for blogging and then you forget it right when you're about to start. I think I was going to mention about how I found this website:

Being friends

And how it has a fairly easy (step by step) from going from lover to friend. So I was thinking of trying to follow those hints...

There was also this website:

Love handles

Which has to do with strengthening the love handles. So I was thinking of trying out that as well. I think it's interesting that both articles are mostly talking to women. Is it that I'm so feminine or that I have my sensitive male side thing going on. (metrosexual? Am I a crab person?)

Anyway, I'm running at 7 am tomorrow, I need to sleep.

Peace-
T

I should go blue again 

At work! I'm SUCH a nerd :P 

a sad reality

I was eavesdropping on my housemates friend tonight. She's going through a breakup (went through?) and it was sad to hear my words coming out of her mouth. The "What do you mean right now? Does that mean later?" questions, and the "overall acceptance that nothing may ever change so I should move on" talk.

It made me sad to know that's what I sound like when I talk to my friends. And it made me sad to know that I need to give up loving "her".

I've been thinking about the roles "loved" vs "lover". I think it is harder to be the lover than it is to be the loved. As a friend was saying, The father, no matter how traumatized his psyche was by the child birth, will never feel the pain that the mother felt. So it is for the loved and the lover. The lover will always feel more pain from rejected love, than the loved will feel from rejecting the love. At least that's the way it seems to work.

I got off early tonight, but I had nothing planned, so I watched my roommates play video games, and tried to fix my old computer. (Bad Hard drive, won't reformat :P ) Now it's 11 and I NEED to sleep.

Talk to you all soon, Peace-
T

A question of why?

I would like a tattoo because I would like to have some art to look at while I'm in the shower. Or have a piece of art that I can have always to have some fun with. I think that a tattoo would be nice for conversation starting and allow me to have a unique way of expressing myself.

At this point, I am in decent enough shape that my tattoo shouldn't have too much misshaping over the next few years. I may go with something like a musical note or maybe a dog. I don't know, I need to think about this... :S

Peace-
T

tattoo

Also, I want to get a tattoo or piercing, but I need ideas. Leave a comment and let me know what you think I should get:)
 
I'm thinking either Trogdor or a gold star which I could push to make myself invinsible for 6 seconds like Mario.

Peace-
T

too little sleep

I skipped running today:( C'est la vie, I'm doing it tomorrow morning. 6:30 am is only 6 hours away :(
 
I'm going to sleep, Peace world-
T

Blogging and Farenheit 911

Here I am. My last blog hasn't even dried and I am posting again :P
 
Anyway, I saw Farenheit 911 today and wanted to recommend it. This movie is a thinker that I think everyone should see. It REALLY brought to the forefront what war is like.
 
Really going to sleep this time-
T

Life as a monk

I'm thinking of doing the monk thing for a while. I kind of became frustrated with my lack of sex today and had to have another DTR with the ex. 
 
So, here I am, if I give up on the fact of having the sex again within the next 10+ weeks, I think I can become a game testing GOD! Or at least secure me a blue badge position? I don't know but I think I SHOULD use my amazing computer abilities for good, but sometimes it's so easy to be evil :)
 
So, I ended up only working 15.8 hours this weekend:) Gotta love the OT. I hate that I cancelled my 7am run, but am glad that I'll still have a run tomorrow night.
 
I'm lost in a sea of wondering and hate the fact that I have heartache. I want to have it removed, but I don't know how.
 
Peace from the sleepy-
Tim

SO F*CKIN HOT!!!

OH MY GOD!!!
 
I went to bed like 2 hours ago. I am about to go take a shower to cool off. I HATE this HEAT!!!
 
Damn you heat!!!!
 
Peace-
T

Recreational drug use for fun and profit

OK, so it's like a BILLION degrees in my room right now. I could sleep until Sunday, but I'm at work from 10 - 8  tomorrow :P
 
Anyway, I was thinking about drugs the other day. I think sometimes there is a time and a place for drugs. and then there is also a time and a place to be drug free. For me, being drug free is key right now. I'm trying to stay at the top of my game, and I'm a bit tired now, w/o any drugs. I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'm just going to stop.
 
Well, I have too many things to do. Including pay my bills and sleep, so I'll try and remember what I wanted to talk to my bloggy neighbors about, and will get back to you.
 
Peace-
T

life as a contractor

My life for the past few years has been the life of the contractor. I thought I might share some tidbits into this most bizarre existence that we have created.

The goal of a contractor is to become a real employee (goal #1). Everything we do is a hope to someday attain the reliable check of a full time employee. At least that is the way it is for at least 95% of us.

Every 9 - 12 months I am forced to take a 100-day non-paid leave. This can put the hurt on, as most of the time this happens from November - February. One goal many of us have is to be able to contract again after this 100-day break (goal #2). If no employer is willing to rehire you, then you will have a pain in the ass trying to get back in.

Key points to maintain while you ARE a contractor.
1) ALWAYS be available for overtime - this is key, especially when you have low finances, missing 1 OT session could mean your slot is no longer available for a few weeks. (also, OT is considered a perk that may not last much longer, if you are given the opportunity you should seize it, as full-time employees don't get time and a half)

2) Don't hound about become a full time employee - first impress your boss by ALWAYS being available for OT, then be ready to answer off hand remarks about future job positions

3) Know how to be a hard worker (This is key because you're trying to shine above the rest of your cohorts, some of which the full times have pet names for, i.e. Crazy legs)

4) Know how to get shit done (When your boss comes and asks you to do something, the first time you may ask questions, after that you should KNOW how to do it. If given a task by your boss, you should complete your tasks and have a short 1 - 2 sentence response with your results. Having written results in an email can also be a great way for your boss to know the info, without you having to interrupt his work day)

5) If your boss enters the room, be the first person to ask if they need any help. They will begin to look to you as a person that can get shit done. This will help in both goal #1 and goal #2.

That's really about all you can do while you're a contractor. If you impress your boss enough, he may decide you are a valuable asset which should be hired full-time, but it takes a LOT of work to get to this point.

Hang in there and you may make it. But usually people will either not be hired back (black listed) or get "real" jobs elsewhere.

That's about all I have to say about that. It's interesting to think about the parallels that appear in my life to this particular segment. Peace-
Tim

Running hard and hardly running

I was going to run with Cliff last night. But he bailed. So I ran around greenlake by myself this morning. It was refreshing, but I think I push myself harder when Cliff isn't around.

Well, it's time for working hard, so I should go.
Peace-
T

lies and dreams...

I AM working today. I lied about not working, although technically it wasn't a lie, because at the time, I thought I wasn't. C'est la vie.

I dreamt last night. I dreamt I woke to check my email and had 2. One was from my ex and another from work. Before I could answer either, a coworker came into my bedroom and started asking me about a bug they had found while I was sleeping and whether or not it was a known issue. I followed him over to where Peter's room is and our computer lab was all setup and running with my boss asking me if it was a known issue. I told him I didn't know and would have to see the bug to know if others had seen it. I woke shortly after looking at the problem and telling my coworker that we didn't have it recorded and he should write up the bug.

The past couple of nights I've been thinking about Faith and religion. I KNOW I could never vote for Bush, but have I strayed so far from the Christian faith? Do I believe that all religions are a crutch? Do I think that faith in a religion is only for those who have given up thinking for themselves or do I still believe? Do I want there to be someone/something/(an all loving God) out there that wants to see me succeed? Is there a plan for my life and am I on the right path? Should I worship at the church of Microsoft and bow to the almighty dollar?

Of religion, I can say for certain, they do re-emphasis the spirit as the most important thing. People are the reason I was put on this earth. Without friends and family, without new acquaintenances, without people, life would be ever so dull. I'm just not sure "saving" the soul is what is needed.

Well, I need to get ready for work.
Peace-
T

WEEKEND OFF!!!!

Holy Sh*t!!!
I gots the weekend off!!! Woohoo!!! Now... what to do?
Peace-
T

morning comes too soon and props for intacto

So I had random post at 5:30 this morning, which meant I woke up at 5:30 and wrote a post, then tried to sleep until 7am when I got up to go running with Cliff. That didn't really happen.

Fortunately, I was able to sap enough restfulness out of that hour and a half to be affective today :) Running is good. It makes me feel awake and healthy. Anyway, it seems like I may get off this weekend so I'll have time to run errands!!! YAY!!!

I've also been remembering this movie I saw like 2 years ago with Jarred. It's called "Intacto" and is a spanish film about luck. It was really great and if you love foreign films I highly recommend this one.

Anyway, I've got some Localization peeps to manage.
Peace-
T

Responsibility

I often wonder what makes me want to be so responsible. It seems that if I wanted I COULD get away with not working for long periods of time and maybe just live off the state for a while (see step-sister)

But instead, I want to succeed in a career. I want to be praised by my coworkers and stand out in the minds of my bosses. I want to be desired for full time employment at the risk of sabotaging personal friendships at work.

I don't understand who I am, nor why I have an overwhelming sense of responsibility for a job that I could just as easily lose next week.

Tales from a lonely, annoyed heart

It's true. I miss having even a pseudo girlfriend. Now it's the 4th of July and I have to be at work in 11.5 hours and the F*CKING neighbors won't stop letting off fireworks!!!

I have my run in the morning, but my friend Cliff (see running buddy) is moving to Lake Samamish(sp?) plateau. That means my current running buddy (see best friend) will be 45 minutes away on a good commute day :(

I am trying to get C# under my belt like no tomorrow. I have gotten my program to a point where I can download a webpage and extract all the img file locations and links. Next I need to work on erraticating duplicate links and links to other websites. Then I need to download each new webpage and rinse lather and repeat. It's really fun to problem solve and get this all figured out, but I'm scared that it won't be enough to land me a job :(

Anyway,I'm exhausted and horny and lonely, so I'm going to sleep. To all those out there celebrating the 4th. Happy independence day and I'll see you on the 5th.

Peace-
T

Exhaustion

It's true. I found out today that I am officially exhausted. I imagine I'll have 1 more day off this summer. Sunday, and then it's working everyday until we ship.

Props to heather for finding me and leaving the comments. I think a love of Guster is good, but finding a needle(Tim) in a haystack(The internet) is even more amazing :)

I'll check you guys later. A total exhausted Tim.

Happy I forgot day!!!!

Hey Everyone-

I just found out that July 2nd is the world wide (national?) 'I forgot' day. That means that today you can make up for anything you've forgotten about in the last year. W00T.

Anyway, yesterday was 'Canada' day. So for all you Canadians out there. Happy Canada day! (It's I forgot day, and since I forgot Canada day, does that make it ok to mention it?)

and in case I don't get out of this working coma, Happy Independence Day!!! Let the fireworks begin!!! W00T

Peace out-
T

The leech

He follows you around,
He thinks you're so cool,
He wants to be just like you,
You friends are getting annoyed by your little tagalong,
it's becoming quite the nuisance

He needs to get his own life,
quit sucking his life from you,

He used to be cute and endearing, but now he's just a pain.

Hello from the lonely planet

So I think the loneliness is beginning to get to me. I haven't had a good talk with anyone for a long time. I would count the days, but they all start to jumble in my mind. I think I've been burning the candle at both ends for too long and it's finally catching up with me. I need some relax and chill time with people, if only just to talk about my feelings. OR maybe I just need a good nights sleep and then I won't have these lonely feelings anymore.

Who knows? Peace out-
Tim